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A friendly advice!

I was just remembering a friend that died a few years ago now. He was dear to me and Bob because his half brother really is so close and the best friend of Bob here, that they treat each other like true brothers. He is so close that I felt that I had 2 husbands. LOL. The kids were also so close to him.

Well, the half brother he’s a half Filipino and half American, his name was Omar. He was born and grew up in the States. Never been to the Philippines. He was just not interested to visit nor live here. But when the really best friend of Bob moved here, the half brother then decided to pay a visit to the home place of his mom. At that time when he came for a visit to his half brother he was like 19 or 20. The half brother that’s the best friend of Bob, he’s like 52 or 53 at that time.

He decided to continue his studies for college here. I accompanied him to check out some colleges around here. He then decided to study in Ateneo de Davao University. I can’t remember the course he was gonna take up. Anyway, I’m really like a mom to him. He always hangs out at our house or he goes out  with us every time Bob and I and his brother will go somewhere. Really whenever he goes alone he’s always calling me and let me talk to the people that he is dealing with or either he is buying from or asking questions. In short people don’t really get when he’s talking. They think he’s accent is a bit too much for them. So I’m the life line or the call a friend kind of thing. LOL.

Is a wedding on the way

Is a wedding on the way?

Weeks after he arrives here, we were asking him if he could see himself marrying a Filipina later? He quickly replied to me “Nah, I’m not really into dark hair ladies, I want to marry a blond lady” we were bursting into laughter. He was so strong into marrying blond ladies. So I dare him, I told to him that we will make a bet for Php 100,000 that he will be married to a Filipina lady by the end of that year. I said to him “If you’re not married to a Pinay by the end of the year then you will get the hundred thousand pesos”. He came like April or May of that year. So he agreed, we had a handshake in-front of his half brother and Bob. He thought he can really hold himself and he thinks he’s so strong of his desire to be marrying a blond lady. Well, let me tell you just less than a month of our handshake, he went to visit the birthplace of his mom. My goodness just few days there, he was already calling and texting me “Feyma I’m in love with a very beautiful girl”. I teased him I said is she blond? He told me hell no. We were laughing. He came back to Davao and my goodness all he ever talked about was about that girl.

Omar - RIP

Omar – RIP

So I told him, I think I’m going to be a hundred thousand pesos richer pretty soon here. Few weeks after his visit to his mom’s hometown, his parents sends money for him to come home to America because the girl he was in love with was a distant relatives of the mom. The mom and the parents of the girl was just against the relationship. So he went back to the States and joined the army then. He served for I think 2 years and got injured while serving. He died later of a motorcycle accident in his hometown. To you my friend, thank you for serving and I missed your laughter. So long!

I was just making an example of my friend. Too many expats I’ve met through the years that say they would not get involved right away here with a woman. They came here a single man hoping to have a good retirement and meet a woman later. They will be telling me that oh, “ladies will be far from my mind at the moment”. Then few weeks of being here we found out they got involved with a lady already. Ladies already moving in to the expat’s house. To be honest you can’t blame the lady too. She wants to better her life too. Knowing the expats will give her the security. She did not put gun on the head of the expat. It’s the expats choice. I just hope that its the right head that will think for the expat. It happens a lot most of their savings were wipe out in the short time being with the lady. I mean less that 2 months more than half a million pesos were wipe out from the guy. It’s a concerned to me sometimes, especially if the person that was con was a true friend of ours. It bothers me. But what can we do the guy was so in love with the girl. I hope the girl was also madly in love with the guy. I guess the saying applies to most of these expats “love is blind”. Lucky for other expats that I know, they had money, even they were con to many times they survived because they had so much money saved before coming here. But for others its really unfortunate.

I will just say good luck to those expats that would allow and continued themselves to be conned.

Happy Holidays Everyone!!!

 

 

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Are you willing to compromise?

I am writing and asking you guys that live in a house with multi-culture environment, are both partners willing to give and take or learn from each other? I am going to give more about Bob and I as an example. When Bob and I were writing to each other, before we were married, I was so shy and naive. Hey I was young, a few months shy of graduating college. I was brought up with conservative parents in a more old fashion way. Bob, on the other hand was brought up conservative way but was brought up that he can and will say what he thinks. In short not shy at all.

Well anyway, after few months after we were married I went to the States. Being there changed everything. Bob showed and taught me how to live the life there. It didn’t take long for me to learn his side of the culture. I mean not all, I’m still learning more and more everyday even now. When I went to the States I don’t know how to cook. Being the youngest of 10 siblings (7 are alive right now) and with so many cousins and with my aunt that spoiled me. They did almost all the cooking. So I don’t really know how to cook Filipino dishes. I don’t think it’s laziness because I really like to help out in the kitchen before. I think it was just too many kids in the kitchen and it just a bother to the older one that’s cooking.

Martin Family - Thanksgiving 2014

Martin Family – Thanksgiving 2014

 

So living with Bob in the US, he did most of the cooking I mean 80% I think. I am just a good helper, I will helped out on the cleaning afterwards. Then whenever my mother-in-law cooks for the special occasions, same thing I will help a little on the cooking but helped out most on the cleaning afterwards. I could not even cook macaroni and cheese in the US even if the instruction were in the box. I know it’s kind of pathetic don’t you think? But that’s just the way it was for us. Bob really had patience on that. Hats off to him on that. He even cooked Filipino dishes there. Bob was also learning and still learning more of my culture. Same with me I did learned the American culture and knowing his family and still doing it.

But when moving here it changes everything then. Watching Bob sweat to high heaven when cooking, I was thinking I had to do something. I felt sorry watching him sweat so much. So I really learned and studied on how to cook American dishes that he is used to when we were in the States. Guess what? I learned and cooked until now. Now Bob and the kids are kind of spoiled though. They will tell me and my niece what they like and we usually cook it for them. Jean is good now in cooking foreign dishes too. Really all of us are learning. Living back here for a long time now taught Bob more of the Filipino culture. He learned how to speak the local language. It shows that he really tried his best to fit in here. I’m really so proud of him for that.

Anyway, I think being married no matter if its the same race you had to adjust with the other person in your life. How much more if two cultures blend into one. With two culture you have to work double hard, or more. Are you willing to adjust and compromise with the other person in your life? With Bob and I, no questions asked. We did and we did compromise and are still doing it until the end. With us, lots of things we both decide, minor stuff one of us will decide. We’re almost on our 25th year of marriage and let me tell you it’s not an easy ride. Rough rides along the way. Good and bad through the years. But we talk, we understand and we compromise. Love and trust should be there always.

Really all married people or lovers or boyfriend/girlfriend, both partners should really learn from each other. It’s not just one partner will do all the adjusting and the understanding. It should go both ways. I can say more but I would like to hear from you guys. Feel free to share your thoughts.

Have a good Holiday Season!

 

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It’s another Thanksgiving Celebration in the Philippines!

Yep another Thanksgiving celebration again here in the Philippines, American style. What I mean by that, we usually celebrate our Thanksgiving just like the way Bob’s family celebrated when he’s growing up. Then when I came to America I observed them and I liked it. So Bob and I decided to celebrate the thanksgiving the way his family did, and we can continue on the tradition. Hopefully our kids will follow and continue the Martin tradition. Woo, I’m just hoping that our to be daughter-in-laws likes to cook just like our daughter Jean. Jean can cook most of the food that we prepare during Thanksgiving.

We cook a lot of our food from scratch. From the stuffing mix (croutons & sausage), sweet potato, mashed potato, pies and other stuff. As you know a few years ago, it is hard to get the most of the ingredients here in the Philippines, especially we’re outside of Manila. Thank God for the sprouting malls now, lots of them carries the imported ingredients. But to be honest I hardly use the imported ingredients anymore, ever since using the local substitute it works for us and it just tasted the same as the real one. Bob and I decided that we’re not going to buy the imported and expensive ingredients since we can make a good one just a fraction of the price. LOL.

Thanksgiving Turkey

Thanksgiving Turkey

In the past years of living here we do our Thanksgiving 2 days after the Thanksgiving in America. Since Thursday kids have school here. It’s not a holiday here for that. So we do ours during Saturday so that the kids can help out and enjoy the whole day with the family. We did our Thanksgiving celebration a bit early this year. It was actually celebrated yesterday. Bob has some commitments to go to on the weekend after the Thanksgiving in the USA. So we decided to do it this weekend. The kids will be home and help us cook the turkey and other dishes. I usually decorate Christmas a week before we celebrate Thanksgiving. Thank God I’m done with decorating with the help of my kids, my nieces and helper. So everyday this week it’s going to be a busy day for us.

Starting with making our homemade squash for the pies and pumpkin roll, pumpkin pudding low-fat. We are also making chocolate chess pie, some of my kids would not eat the pumpkin pie. I’m thinking of making the yam (sweet potato early).  Mix the rest of the ingredients and bake on the day of the party. Have to make the croutons ahead of time too. It seems that the sourdough bread taste much better than the ciabatta bread, but it really all depends if I can find some sourdough bread near us. Sometimes the bread shop at SM carries them. Oh well, french bread and ciabatta works good as well anyway. So not a problem there.

So here’s our food for our thanksgiving here in the house: Turkey, Mashed Potato, Stuffing, Rice, Beans, Yams, Pumpkin Pie, Chocolate Chess Pie, Pumpkin Roll, Pumpkin Pudding and ham (we have ham this year). Good for sandwich later and turkey soup too. :-)

So what about you guys? What are you preparing for the Thanksgiving holiday? To those expats here in the Philippines, do you had a hard time getting the ingredients? Do you celebrate just the way you do back home? Some restaurant here in Davao do some Thanksgiving lunch and dinner. I’m sure some restaurant in your area too.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL AMERICANS ALL OVER THE WORLD!!!

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Drinking, when is enough?

I was reading on my kindle and looking at the cover of the book. I thought it’s about a dog. I guess it was really about the dog too, because the dog was helping them heal from heartache. Then when I started reading, it’s also about the kids who will be losing their dad. He was charged with (DUI) driving under the influence. It’s already his 4th felony. He will be sentenced to jail for 6 months. The kids, who are age 7 and 5, had no place to stay so they will be put to foster care. It used to be that the aunt took care of them when the dad was sent to jail from his previous felonies. She was just tired of him putting the alcohol first over his kids. So she told the brother that if he won’t straighten up that she will not take care of the kids anymore. So at the end it’s really the kids that got the raw deal. They don’t have anybody then at the end. Can you imagine a 7 year old taking care of himself and his younger sibling? Luckily a stranger with a dog went to the shop of the dad to have his motor home be fixed. The dad saw that the guy was nice. The stranger was a teacher. So he asked the stranger to take care of his kids for a few months. He did and it was not an easy decision for the stranger since he also had some problems to take care of himself. He just lost his son from drunk driver.

Drunk Driver

Drunk Driver

So it dawned on me, what if the situation would have been here in the Philippines, like the one I was describing on top. Would the family turn away those kids? In my mind I don’t think so, but who knows. If the family also would give a lesson to the father to not put the alcohol first over his kids. I was thinking with so many extended families here, I’m pretty sure one of the families will definitely take care of those kids. Or even the neighbors would probably offer to help out. I’m sure in America the neighbors will offer to help out too, but they’re also busy working and busy with their own lives. So really the kids there will be easily put to foster care. Here in the Philippines if nobody will take care of the kids, they could easily end up begging on the street. It’s really a pretty sad situation in both countries.

I’m not giving other example. I will give some members of my family as an example. One of my family was just so irresponsible with his wife and kids way back when I was younger. Of course the close family of the wife steps-in and took care of almost all their kids. It was hard for the parents of the wife watching their daughter being abused by their son-in-law. Let me tell you, it’s really hard to all of the family watching their sister being abuse by her husband. The brothers of the wife really wants to strangle the husband when his drunk. But the parents of the wife always said that it’s going to be the decision of the wife. All of the family were really hoping that she will leave the guy and go somewhere. But I think it show that love is blind. :-) Some of my cousins really just wants to take care of him, I think you got the idea of what I meant by taking care. But it would never happened, because the parents of the lady, they would not allow the cousins be criminal. Later, when the kids of abusive guy and his wife got older. I think her husband got scared with the kids already. One of the kids that was raised by the parents of the wife and the other male kid threatens their dad that if he will be abusing their mom again that they will kill him. I think the husband got the message. He’s now a calm guy and just follow what his kids told him to do.

Another unending cycle not just the Philippines I guess but the world. I’ve seen too many people killed by drunk drivers. It’s just sad for the victims of the drunk driver and the people that they left behind especially the kids. I hope when those people drink they’re avoiding being behind on  the wheels. Bob sister was one of the victim, she was hit by a drunk driver and died instantly. It was hard on Bob for so many years. The pain was there still until now.

Guys I’m not anti drinking or anything. It’s individuals choice or in other words to each his own. Just make sure you’re not hurting others at the end. Just drink moderately or have somebody drive for you or take a taxi!

Cheers!

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Are you okay with refurbished or second hand items?

The reason I was asking you the questions. Bob’s fridge in the office has been working off and on. We had it fixed and spent big money for it. Just tired of having the fridge taken out and back again.

Finally a few days ago I purchased a small fridge for Bob’s office. We got it from a pawnshop in Matina. Bob told me about the place a few months back. A friend of ours bought a fridge there very cheap and still in good conditioned. Before buying the fridge my niece and I went and shopped around to different appliance centers here in Davao. We saw lots of refrigerators that’s been repossessed. Some people bought fridge for installments. They would pay for  only 3 months, after that they skipped paying. So then the appliance center will get the fridge back. The store will not put the items for sale immediately, they usually give two weeks before selling it again to give time for the owner to pay back. If the owner fails to pay for the allotted time then the store will sell it to the public again. We saw lots of the secondhand fridges on one of the appliance store. Only thing most were too big of a fridge for our liking. Plus its way over our budget just for the office fridge. Really the one that we saw on that pawnshop was just perfect for the office that’s why we bought it.

Second Hand - Are you OK with it?

Second Hand – Are you OK with it?

Over the years that Bob and I been living here we have been purchasing some refurbish and secondhand items. On top of my head right now that we purchased, just last year we purchased a used washing machine. The owner said they just used it less than a dozen times because they don’t want to pay high electricity bill. So happy to get it, it’s just like the washing machine I had in the USA that we used to have there, it’s a Whirlpool brand. We also bought 2  air-conditioners along with the washing machine too. We really got a good deal on that.

Other one that I can remember that we purchased secondhand. Bob he likes to have special keyboard that won’t make his hands/wrist sore. I shopped around here in Davao, Gensan, Cebu and Manila for it. Always out of stock, we’re just tired of waiting. I even ordered at the computer store here, they told me its takes weeks for the items to come. I’ve waited and waited still the items didn’t arrive yet until now. So when we look at eBay Philippines/Sulit and those other internet auctions here in the Philippines, we found the keyboard and its used but it’s still in good condition. Way cheaper than the brand new one and it still looked good. I asked the person that owned it, why he’s selling the item? He told me that it’s really from his foreigner uncle and since he is not around in the Philippines anymore and the keyboard just sitting in the closet, he decided to just sell it. Happy to be the recipient for the item. Still in good condition, Bob is using it now.

I guess no different than shopping for ukay-ukay too. They also had good used items there as well. We have few US Surplus stores here too. We even had here just down a few streets from us. It’s good to get excuse to go walking and see the new items they have there. :-) To be honest when I was in the States I’m really into going to Flea market/garage sale/antique shops. I saw lots of good decor there. Happy to buy good and useful stuff there for the house. I guess it shows it’s okay with me to use secondhand stuff or refurbished. Certain items that I’m not going to buy that it’s used by someone else.

How about you are you okay using refurbished or secondhand stuff? Would love to hear your thoughts.

Cheers!

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